Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut her up with cookies.

The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.
-Helen Hayes (at 73)

I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows.
-Janette Barber

Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.
-Lily Tomlin

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.
-Carrie Snow

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.
-Laurie Kuslansky

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being, hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
-Erma Bombeck

Old age ain't no place for sissies.
-Bette Davis

A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't.
-Rhonda Hansome

The phrase "working mother"! is redundant.
-Jane Sellma

Every time I close the door on reality, it comes in through the windows.
-Jennifer Unlimited

Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
-Charlotte Whitton

Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
-Caryn Leschen

I try to take one day at a time -- but sometimes several days attack me at once.
-Jennifer Unlimited

When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss. And they called ME slow!
-Kathy Buckley

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb -- and I'm also not blonde.
-Dolly Parton

If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.
-Sue Grafton

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
-Roseanne Barr

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country..
-Elayne Boosler

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
-Maryon Pearson

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.
-Margaret Thatcher

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
-Gloria Steinem

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house.
-Zsa Gabor

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.
-Eleanor Roosevelt.