Drinking.
Homer's toast after Springfield lifts its ban on prohibition clearly
and succinctly summarizes mankind's relationship to alcohol through all
eternity. "To alcohol: The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."
The Second Amendment. I try not to get too pinko too often,
but I'm a big gun control guy. And I like this quote from the episode
where Homer joins the NRA, where Krusty the Clown effectively
juxtaposes the modern uses of guns and the actual theory behind
Americans' Constitutional right to bear arms. "Guns
aren't toys! They're for family protection, hunting dangerous or
delicious animals, and keeping the King of England out of your face!"
And though it's not quote profound enough for this list, that episode
also nails soccer (and why this country just can't get behind it) with
a commercial for a soccer tournament that says, "Fast kicking! Low
scoring! And ties... you bet!"
Jobs. I've worked at more than a dozen companies during college and adult life. And this Homer quote is as true as any quote ever. "No,
no, no, Lisa. If adults don't like their jobs, they don't go on strike.
They just go in every day and do it really half-assed."
But, the best one-liner they've ever had about religion... and my
favorite satirical quote from the entire 20 years of the series... came
in the episode where Homer and Bart go Catholic and a team of Reverend
Lovejoy, Ned Flanders and Marge go to win them back.
No statement has ever summed up the folly of "my religious beliefs and
only my beliefs are the guaranteed, definitive truth" like when
Reverend Lovejoy says: "We're here to bring you back to the one true faith: the Western Branch of American Reform Presby-Lutheranism."
Modern love. There's nothing in the world that's immune from
giant corporations trying to make money off it. Love just might be the
most exploited of all. As Lisa says: "Mom, romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece."
Entitlement. We want it all. But getting from point A to
point B to have it all... well that sounds like a lot of work. Here's
Homer's line about that sense of hypocritical entitlement: "If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers."
Handling the opposite gender. If only we'd start listening to Bart, and not reading (literally) billions of magazine articles and websites about what's really
happening in the minds of the opposite sex... maybe we'd all stop
overthinking relationships and just find good ones that naturally and
easily work. Bart: "Women are easy, long division is hard."
Achievement. I'm really good at the old-school NES game Dr.
Mario. I can consistently beat pretty much everyone I've ever played
against. And yet, when I tore my ACL and, couch-bound, I started
playing Dr. Mario on the Wii wireless against other people from around
the world... a lot of them just destroyed me. Which led me to believe
that Homer had it right: "No matter how good you are at something, there's always about a million people better than you."
Generation gap.
Older generations will generally think younger people are lazy. Or
coddled. Or stupid. We usually agree on those, but not always. So let's
thank Mr. Burns for putting words to the one thing that every member of
an older generation will agree with... "I don't like being outdoors Smithers, for one thing, there's too many fat children."
Effort. I think this Homer quote neatly sums up the reason
why people so often give up on their lofty, ambitious (and sometimes
naive) goals: "You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'."
Status. A Homer quote about the oft-futile battle to better
one's station in life... we try, we work at it, but, in the end, we are
what we are. Or, as he puts it, "Just once I'd like someone to call me 'Sir' without adding 'You're making a scene.'"
