1 |
"Now son, you don't want to
drink beer. That's for Daddys, and kids with fake IDs." |
2 |
"Marge, it takes two to lie.
One to lie and one to listen." |
3 |
"You couldn't fool your
mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine." |
4 |
"Marge, don't discourage the
boy ! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the
animals ! Except the weasel." |
5 |
"If you really want something
in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery
numbers." |
6 |
"To alcohol ! The cause
of - and solution to - all of life's problems |
7 |
"I want to share something
with you - the three sentences that will get you through life.
 | Number one, 'cover for me.' |
| Number two, 'oh, good idea, boss.'
|
| Number three, 'it was like that when I got here.' " |
|
8 |
"Son, when you participate in
sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose : it's how drunk you get." |
9 |
"Lisa, if life’s rich
history and pageant has taught us nothing else - and it hasn't - it's that girls should
stick to girls' sports, such as hot-oil wrestling and foxy-boxing and such like." |
10 |
"Lisa, if you don't like your
job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the
American way." |
11 |
"Stealing ! How could
you ? Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at
church ? Captain what’s-his-name ? |
12 |
We live in a society of laws. Why
do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies ? For fun ? Well I
didn't hear anybody laughin', did you ?" |
13 |
Maybe, just once, someone will
call me 'Sir' without adding, 'you're making a scene. |
