Two guys are sitting at the bar.

One says, "Did your hear the news? Mike's dead."

"Whoa! What happened to him?"

"Well, he's on his way over to my place the other day and when he arrives outside the house he doesn't brake properly and BOOM – he hits the curb and the car flips up and he crashes through the sunroof. He goes flying through the air and smashes through my upstairs bedroom window."

"What a horrible way to die!"

"No, no, he survives that; that doesn't kill him at all. He lands in my upstairs bedroom and he's all covered in broken glass on the floor. Then, he spots the big old antique wardrobe we have in the room and reaches up for the handle to try to pull himself up. He's just dragging himself up when BANG – this massive wardrobe comes crashing down on top of him, crushing him and breaking most of his bones."

"What a way to go! That's terrible."

"No, no, that doesn't kill him; he survives that. He manages to get the wardrobe off him and crawls out onto the landing. He tries to pull himself up on the banister but under his weight, the banister breaks and he goes falling down on to the first floor. In mid air, all the broken banister poles spin and fall on him, pinning him to the floor, sticking right through him."

"Now, *that* is a most unfortunate way to go!"

"No, no, that doesn't kill him; he even survives that; he pulls himself loose. So now he's on the downstairs landing, just beside the kitchen. He crawls in to the kitchen, tries to pull himself up on the cooker, but latches onto a big pot of boiling water and WHOOSH – the whole thing comes down on him and burns most of his skin off."

"What a horrible death!"

"No, no, he survives that, too. He's lying in all that water, and he spots the phone and tries to pull himself up to call for help, but instead he grabs the light switch and pulls the whole thing off the wall and the water and electricity don't mix and so he's lying there with the juice running through him and can't get away from it."

"What an ugly way to die!"

"No no, he even survives *that*, then he..."

"Hold on now...just how the hell DID he die?"

"I shot him."

"You shot Mike? What the hell did you shoot him for?"

"Well, he was wrecking my house."