We like to barbecue. We will only cook if danger is involved.

His two favorite words…  “Blow Job” learn it, live it, love it.  Got it?

If you buy a man a video camera, for the first few weeks he has it, lock the door when you go to the bathroom. Most of my early films end with a scream and a flush.

When we ask for a threesome with you and your best friend, we are only joking.  (Unless the answer is yes.)

Men are very confident people.  So confident that when we watch sports on television and actually thinks that if we concentrate, we can help our team. If the team is in trouble, we coach the players from our living room, and if they’re really in trouble, A woman better not be on the phone, just in case our team needs to call us.

Any attempt by a man to prepare food, no matter how feeble (i.e. Microwaving a burrito, fixing Spaghetti, etc.) should be met with roughly the same degree of praise a parent might shower upon their infant when it walks for the first time.

All men are afraid of eyelash curlers.

Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.

Don’t ever ask him what he’s thinking.  Trust me.  Most times, you don’t want to know.

Men forget everything; women remember everything. That’s why we need instant replays in sports. We’ve already forgotten what happened.

He was not looking at that other woman.
(Well, okay… maybe a little.)

He is the funniest, strongest, best-looking, most successful man you have ever met. (At least that is what you should tell us.)