1. | Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
| The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music. |
| Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. |
| Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege. |
| War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left. |
| It's your god. They're your rules. *You* go to hell. |
| I once prayed to god for a bike, but quickly found out he didnt work that way...so I stole a bike and prayed for his forgiveness |
| If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress? |
| My god carries a hammer. Your god died nailed to a tree. Any questions? |
| Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them. |
| If you think things can't get worse it's probably only because you lack sufficient imagination. |
| A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station... |
| You can't be late until you show up. |
| Knowledge is realizing that the street is one-way, wisdom is looking both directions anyway |
| Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up. |
| Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian. |
| A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic. |
| The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources |
| books have knowledge, knowledge is power, power corrupts, corruption is a crime, and crime doesn't pay..so if you keep reading, you'll go broke |
| Advice for the day: If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN. |
